Marriage

I read this artcile "Sooner Vs. Later: Is there an ideal age for first marriage", it was quite interesting to see how people prefer to get married later as opposed to getting married in their teens or in their 20s. This article talks about Americans and at what age do they prefer to get married.

During the course of reading this article I was reminded of my dinner with my husband at Amici's in Mountain View, CA. We both love the place and have gone there before our marriage. Last friday we happened to be there and it was quite amazing that both of us told the other person how free we felt despite getting married. I was delighted to know that the feeling was mutual.

I come from India and I know that people there give a lot more importance to marriage. It's not very uncommon to see girls getting married when they are still in college. Not only that a lot of the marriages tend to be arranged marriages as well. Essentially you get married at an early age and start living with a stranger and then try to get to know him and his family. To be honest, I personally feel that it's a bit too much to take when you are in your late teens or just barely 20.

I personally feel that youngsters should be given 2 to 3 years upon completion of their studies to figure out who they really are and what they really want. In my case, the two years after my graduation helped me understand myself a lot better. When you are still in school, you mainly tend to worry about your career and you hardly ever think about marriage. But once you settle down in a job it gives you a lot of time to really think about what you really want. In fact its during that time of life that you really discover who you are as a person.

I'm not against arranged marriage but I totally dislike when there's more than 3-4 years of difference in ages of the bride and groom. In my opinion the closer the ages are it becomes easier to accept the other person as an equal. I can't imagine being in early 20s and marrying someone 8-10 years older than myself. I know women who are in such marriages and say they are super happy but I have my own doubts as its one thing to be truly happy and its totally different to convince yourself that you can't be any happier.

The whole idea of making a long term commitment with an unknown person seems pretty outdated. I'd rather stay single and wake up unhappy a few mornings rather than get married to a wrong person and be unhappy the whole time. Even when you are having an arranged marriage, I think its more important to have a long enough courtship period. The courtship period really helps the bride and the groom to get to know each other really well. In addition, if things don't go well you're better off with breaking that engagement than breaking your marriage.

I had 1 year between my engagement and marriage and time went by so quickly and during that period not only did i get to know my spouse better but his family also. By the time I got married I didn't feel like a total stranger and the transition was easier. There were people who were cynical and were trying to convince me to get married within the next 2-3 months. In fact, one person even suggested that I get married secretively in US (When I'm publicly engaged why should I secretly get married!!!). According to them once engaged its tough to control your urges, in all honesty any disciplined child would know about self-control.

Well, anyways I personally feel that a person should get married only when they feel they are ready (be it teenage or late 20s) and are confident that this relationship with the other person will take them somewhere(not to the courts!!). This is one decision that you need to make for yourself disregarding the pressure from others. We all want to get married just once in life and there's really nothing wrong in taking time to make that decision.