Are all parents-in-law MONSTERS??

I just got back from a meeting where one of my colleagues was pretty surprised to know that my parents-in-law are still here with me? They are here in the US for about 3 months now. He asked me "If I was really enjoying it?" well, we all know what he meant!! and I replied "Honestly, I really do enjoy it". He simply couldn't believe it until I told him that my parents-in-law are really nice and I had to explain why I think they are nice.

I'm writing about this not because I had this conversation with my colleague but I had a similar conversation with another newly married friend of mine. First of all the idea of getting into a fight with your parents-in-law only when you spend a few hours with them is quite appalling and I would imagine that it requires a lot of effort from both sides to brood over everything.

These days a lot of the parents-in-laws are educated and do realize their limits and bounds and yet at the same time can provide the newly weds with enough insights on what could be done to ensure that there's long lasting harmony. The educated ones usually try to treat everyone as equals and try and sort things out in a civilized manner.

Here's my take, I wake up late on weekends and my mother-in-law doesn't complain about that (a lot of others do), she cooks once she confirms with me what needs to be cooked and I help out with chopping vegetables and cleaning dishes. I cook the friday dinner for everyone and even though she happens to be the resident expert in cooking none of my family members make a big fuss when what I cooked for them doesn't taste all that great. That's really all I could ask for and more. Not everyone can eat a meal without making a remark(good or bad) no matter how ludicrous it is. In all the 3 months they've adjusted with whatever we had, they had to be in the living room as we hadn't planned for their visit ahead of time. They did understand our situation and never complained at all.

Best of all is when no one would ever come around trying to prove who's superior. Mothers-in-law or daughters-in-law trying to establish authority never works well in a family. That family is bound to be ruined (or atleast laughed at) sooner or later, unless ofcourse one has the virtue of being able to ignore the authoritative person.

I've always wondered what makes the mother and daughter in laws polar opposites to a point where they are uncomfortable they cannot talk among themselves and instead feel more comfortable complaining about each other to everybody else. The basic problem solving method would be to talk to your husband and see if he empathizes you or if you just had a wrong notion...
well then if he agrees he could do the talking for you...but if you have a spine you could talk things out yourself without actually fighting.

Ultimately for any relationship to be fruitful both parties have to work at it sincerely and employ better problem solving techniques where both parties have something to gain rather than just fight over things to prove a very silly point. This reminds me of an incident that happened when I was in India, my mom deep fried some crispy stuff for me to eat, now this stuff was originally prepared by my aunt who was visiting me at the time. My aunt didn't agree with the way my mom had prepared them...well, it was a simple matter of using less oil vs more oil. My mom was the lesser oil side. My mom simply let it go and didn't care to respond much...but when I went to visit my aunt my aunt made sure she deep fried with the same stuff with more oil and made it a point to show my mom how it ought to look. Frankly, my mom and I couldn't care less and we let it go. But I'm fairly certain everyone else in the room lost respect for my aunt...she just proved to everyone there that maturity doesn't always come with age. She did prove her point but at what expense...was it worthy? Maybe to her it was.

To conclude, I'm sure I wouldn't regret if I said not all parents-in-laws are monsters and for any relationship to be successful both parties should work on it and establish trust and be able to disagree with each other without any sense of fear whatsoever and more importantly you treat the other person like an equal and not like your sub-ordinate. Always remember that vain glory blossoms but never bears fruits. I'd rather give up on a few things and live happy than prove my point all the time and make enemies out of everyone.